HOW TO HELP THE ONES YOU LOVE
How to help: Support Loved Ones in Crisis
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How to Help the Ones You Love
This page is dedicated to answering the most common, emotionally complex questions people have about supporting the ones they love. It is designed for moments when you care deeply, but feel unsure what to say, how to respond, or whether your help is actually helping. Here, we address real-life situations involving conflict, emotional overwhelm, miscommunication, withdrawal, defensiveness, and misunderstanding. The focus is not on fixing people, diagnosing behavior, or forcing change, but on understanding what support actually looks like in practice. Each question explores how perspective, empathy, nervous system awareness, and communication shape our interactions.
You will find clear, grounded explanations that normalize confusion, frustration, and emotional fatigue that often arise in close relationships. The answers offer practical tools, language shifts, and mindset adjustments that reduce harm while increasing connection. This page also helps you recognize the difference between support and self-sacrifice, care and control, presence and overfunctioning. Rather than offering one-size-fits-all advice, the guidance encourages reflection, boundaries, and compassionate self-awareness.
The goal of this FAQ is to help you show up with steadiness instead of panic, curiosity instead of assumption, and care without losing yourself. Whether you are supporting a partner, friend, family member, coworker, or client, this page helps you respond from clarity rather than reactivity. It is a resource for those who want to help without enabling, listen without absorbing, and care without burning out. Above all, it reminds you that helping someone else begins with understanding how perception, emotion, and context shape every interaction.
Understanding how to help involves recognizing the signs when someone is in distress. How to help starts with empathy and compassion.
Phrases That Help
Phrases that help
- “I care about you and I’m right here for you.” Let them know you support them and you’ll help them in any manner you can.
“I understand that you are going through a difficult time, however matters can get better.” Acknowledge their ache and provide wish that matters can improve.
“You do not have to face this alone.” Let them realize that there are sources to be had to assist them, and help to assist them find professional help.
“I’m worried about your safety.” Express your concern for his or her well being and emphasize the significance of searching for expert help.
“Let’s talk more about what is going on on.” Encourage them to open up about their emotions and mind, and listen with out judgment.
When discussing how to help, remember to listen actively and offer your presence. How to help someone can be as simple as being there for them.
How Can I Help Someone Dealing With Mental Illness?
Be there for them: Listen non-judgmentally, offer emotional support, and be there for them through their ups and downs.
Encourage your loved one to seek professional help: Encourage your loved one to seek professional help. For example, see a therapist or psychiatrist and offer to help find resources.
Help with practical chores: If they are having trouble completing everyday chores like grocery shopping or cleaning, offer to help.
Be patient: Recovery is a journey and it can take time. Be patient with your loved ones and provide them with ongoing support throughout their recovery.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with mental illness can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to take care of your own mental and physical health as well.
Here are some mental health resources to help loved ones get the support they need.
How to help include encouraging them to express their feelings openly.
How Can I Show Support Through Tough Times
Talking about suicide: People who talk about suicide, express suicidal thoughts or feelings, or say things like “I wish I was dead” or “I can’t do this anymore” can be at risk.
Increased Substance Abuse: Excessive use of drugs or alcohol, or their use to manage emotional pain, can be a sign of suicidal ideation.
Mood and behavior changes: People who are depressed, anxious, irritable, or introverted may be at risk It may also indicate a sudden change in behavior, such as:. Increased aggression or impulsivity.
Giving Away Possessions: Anyone who gives away their meaningful property or arranges it as if they were planning their own death may be at risk Self-harm: People who self-harm, such as cutting or burning themselves, may be at risk of suicide.
Social isolation: People who withdraw from friends, family, and social activities may be at risk.
Sudden Mood Improvement: People who make life-ending decisions may suddenly appear calmer or happier because they have a plan.
To understand how to help, be aware of changes in their mood and behavior. This awareness plays a crucial role in knowing how to help effectively.
What Do I Do If Someone Is Telling Me Thhat They Are Going To Hurtthemselves?
Listen calmly: It’s important to listen calmly, without judgment or interruption Let them express their feelings and concerns.
Show empathy and concern: Show that you care about them and that you care about their lives. Let them know you are there to support them.
Ask questions: Ask if they have plans to harm themselves and if they have the resources to carry out those plans. This information will help you assess your level of risk and decide what action to take next.
Seek Professional Help: Encourage the person to seek professional help from a psychologist or crisis hotline Offer to help them find resources and set up appointments.
Take action: If people are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Call 911 or your local emergency number, or take them to the nearest emergency room. If they have plans to harm yourself and have the means to do so, take action to remove the means (such as firearms or drugs) and stay with them until help arrives. You can also reach out to the other crisis services in the link below.
When you think about how to help, remember to ask open-ended questions.
How Can I Show Empathy?
“It sounds really difficult/challenging/frustrating.”
“I’m sorry you are going through this.”
“If you need anything, please let me know.”
“I can understand why you think so.”
“It’s understandable to feel [insert emotion].”
“Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“Is there anything I can help you with?”
“I want to listen and support you.”
“You’re not alone.”
Consider how to help by validating their feelings and showing you care.
How Can I Help Them Cope?
What Are Some Reminders I Can Tell Them?
- Your emotions are not fixed – they are constantly changing. How you feel today may not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next week.
- Your absence would create grief and anguish in the lives of friends and loved ones.
- There are many things you can still accomplish in your life.
- Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this.
- you are going to live through these feelings,
- no matter how much self-loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing.
- Just give yourself the time needed
- don’t try to go it alone.
- There are sights, sounds, and experiences in life that have the ability to delight and lift you – and that you would miss.
- Your ability to experience pleasurable emotions is equal to your ability to experience distressing emotions.
- There are people who need you
- YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO SOMEONE
- THOUGH YOU FEEL LIKE WITHDRAWING,
14. YOU CAN ASK TRUSTED FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.
Through this process, you’ll learn how to help without enabling harmful behavior.
How do I support someone who won’t open up about what they’re feeling?
Why this happens:
People often shut down when they’re overwhelmed, ashamed, afraid of being judged, or unsure how to put their feelings into words.
What you can do:
Remove pressure
Offer safety, not interrogation
Give them choices about how to share
What to say instead:
“I’m here when you’re ready. No rush.”
“You don’t have to explain everything. We can take it slow.”
“Would it help to talk, text, write, or take a walk together?”
Remember that knowing how to help means being patient and recognizing the journey to recovery.
What if they push me away even though they clearly need support?
Why this happens:
Pushing away can be a protective mechanism. People fear burdening others, losing control, or being misunderstood.
What you can do:
Stay consistent
Keep your boundaries
Reassure without forcing connection
Example response:
“I hear you. I care about you, and I’ll check in again later. You’re not too much.”
How do I know when to encourage professional help
Signs it may be needed:
Persistent sadness, anxiety, or withdrawal
Difficulty functioning (work, school, hygiene, sleep)
Escalating irritability or hopelessness
Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
How to bring it up gently:
“Have you thought about talking to someone who specializes in this?”
“You don’t have to go through this alone. Support exists, and you deserve it.”
“If you want, I can help look up options with you.”
What do I do if they refuse help?
Why this happens:
Stigma, fear, shame, bad past experiences, or believing they should “handle it themselves.”
What you can do:
Keep the door open
Validate their feelings
Revisit the conversation later
What to say:
“I get why it feels intimidating. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll help you find the right support.”
How do I stay patient when their behavior hurts me?
Understanding behavior ≠ accepting harm.
Empathy means understanding why something is happening, while boundaries protect you from being harmed by it.
What you can do:
Pause and regulate your own emotions first
Separate the behavior from the person
Communicate impact without attacking intent
Example language:
“I care about you, and this is hard for me too. Can we talk about what’s been happening?”
“I want to support you, but I also need to feel respected.”
How do I respond when they get angry, irritated, or defensive?
Why this happens:
Anger can cover fear, overwhelm, shame, or a sense of losing control.
What you can do:
Stay grounded
Avoid matching their emotional intensity
Respond to the emotion underneath
Helpful phrases:
“It seems like this is bringing up a lot for you.”
“I’m not upset with you—I want us to understand each other.”
“Let’s take a moment and come back when we both feel steadier.”
What if I say the wrong thing?
Validation ≠ agreement.
It means acknowledging their experience without surrendering your perspective.
How to validate with boundaries:
“I see why that hurt you. My experience was a bit different—can I share it?”
“Given what you’re feeling, that reaction makes sense. Here’s how I saw it.”
“I respect your view, and I’d like to talk about mine too.”
How do I validate someone without agreeing with everything?
Validation ≠ agreement.
It means acknowledging their experience without surrendering your perspective.
How to validate with boundaries:
“I see why that hurt you. My experience was a bit different—can I share it?”
“Given what you’re feeling, that reaction makes sense. Here’s how I saw it.”
“I respect your view, and I’d like to talk about mine too.”
How do I support them without burning out myself?
Signs you’re over-functioning:
You’re always the one checking in
You feel responsible for their emotions
You feel resentful, drained, or overwhelmed
What you can do:
Set time and energy boundaries
Encourage additional support
Prioritize your own regulation
Healthy boundary phrases:
“I care about you, and I need a bit of time to refill my energy. I’ll check in later.”
“I’m here for you, but I can’t be your only source of support.”
How do I understand their perspective when I strongly disagree?
Perspective-taking isn’t about who’s right—it’s about seeing how someone arrived at their experience.
Tools you can use:
Ask curiosity-based questions
Consider their emotional history
Identify their unmet needs
Helpful prompts:
“Given what you’ve been through, how does this feel for you?”
“What part of this feels the biggest?”
“What do you most wish I understood right now?”
When you consider how to help, it’s important to ask how they feel about the support provided.
Training and Education
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES
how to help someone you love
how to support someone emotionally
what to say to someone who is struggling
how to help without making things worse
how to be supportive without fixing