I know it’s very easy to write somebody off for a behavior that you don’t understand or you were raised to believe that it’s unacceptable. Like someone’s speaking loudly and over you to talk to you or how about when you think that somebody is judging you, being a little too extra critical on you when they’re talking. You may know just someone that doesn’t trust anyone and sometimes it’s just it’s hard to understand how they can see the world this way.
Think about this, every single trait that we have has a reason, so whatever explanation there may be for it our worst traits were possibly once a decent defense mechanism or a survival mechanism. Let’s just look at one of the examples of a person who seems to always speak over you when you’re talking interrupts you or talks in a louder tone. If you go back in time, they may have lived their whole life with their family doing the same, they may have never felt like they have been heard.
How do you respond and defend against that? You’re loud, you interrupt people and it may not be intentional at all. We need to try to not see this as coming from a place of malice. Yes, it is something that needs to be worked on but if you can at least be understanding then it’s less personal.
When we talk about somebody not trusting anyone we all can connect with that one right. Everybody’s had somebody in their life that has given them a reason not to trust, just someone that seems to have gone above and beyond in being a crap person. This is the reason why you say,
If we can start understanding that yes this trait may seem unproductive currently to the relationship. If we realize the fact that it stems from something, it stems from trauma, from a legitimate reason, then we can help the person and we can help ourselves to be more understanding and be more productive human beings in our lives. We can avoid starting fights over nothing.
Understanding that our friends our family have a reason for behaving the way they do and they just need a little bit of guidance on realizing that they don’t need to have their guard up with everyone. Help them understand they’re being heard or they can trust somebody.
We all have that one friend that was a little too critical to us and we always wondered why or they may have been always crabby, always frustrated, always nitpicking on every little thing. To consider where that trait comes from it’s not just out of the blue, trace back to their home life and that’s exactly what they experienced.
If we’re allowing ourselves to get caught up in being annoyed with whatever came out of their mouth, we’re missing the opportunity for understanding that most people aren’t just out there to piss you off.
If you take anything away from what I said today, don’t write somebody off for their behavior initially, there may be a legitimate reason behind it try to be understanding even if it throws you off a little bit. It is easier to try to be an understanding person that would be angry at somebody else for behavior you may not understand.
Everyone deserves a chance to be heard, everyone deserves a chance to be understood. Give them a chance, give me a chance.